“Through the great miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He will give your heart back to you HEALED and WHOLE.”   -Jeffrey R. Holland

My son has had more than his share of physical issues in his short lifetime. Nothing major-just consistent. At 3 months I started to notice he had a flat spot developing on his head, despite all my efforts he ended up in a helmet by 6 months. From 6 months to 9 months he had 5 ear infections, 3 colds and RSV. At 11 months he had his first minor surgery to put tubes in his ears. Even with tubes he had ear infections 3-4 times in the following few months.

Just before his 1st birthday, I took him to an orthopedic surgeon due to an extreme bow in his leg. He was trying so hard to walk at the time, and I was heart broken to find out he had a broken leg! The doctor figured it was simply a stress fracture from his bowed leg. It took another 6 months to finally figure out what was causing the bow in his leg, and then at 18 months old he had another surgery  in an attempt to straighten his left leg. A year after the surgery it appears to be working and we’re looking forward to the next and hopefully last surgery in a few months.

In addition to all the above, he also has a severe food allergy to eggs (including baked) as well a moderate allergy to nuts. His Allergist basically said there was no treatment and elimination was our only option for now. I refused to believe and began researching and talking to other people. I was recommended to a treatment called NAET. It’s holistic and sounded crazy, but I trusted those who referred me and we began treatments. Almost 2 months later (this week), he was able to eat half a doughnut, a whole muffin and half a cookie with no reaction. This is nothing short of a miracle.

My point is the body is amazing and has the wonderful ability to heal, sometimes with modern medicine and sometimes without. Emotional, mental and spiritual healing can often be more difficult.

During my first pregnancy is when my first bout of anxiety began. It all started with nightmares, several times a month I had dreams of people I loved dying. Every time I woke up in tears. When my daughter was born I struggled with being a new mom and having this little thing so dependent on me. It was so intense that I couldn’t even call her by name for the first month of her life, she was just baby. Nursing was difficult and almost impossible which brought on added stress and I just couldn’t lose weight. I started back to work when she was 2 months old and then the mommy guilt set in. I hid all of this from my husband and loved ones. After my son was born it continued and began to worsen. I tried herbal remedies, exercising, eating healthy yet nothing worked.

When last January came and with it that traumatizing night, I finally gave in and went to the doctor. Not knowing what my future held and thinking about what kind of marriage I actually had set me off into a whole new world of anxiety. Insomnia, panic attacks, rapid heart rate, dizziness and a whole lot of tears soon became my norm. I didn’t know how I could heal from the devastating aftermath of my husbands confessions. Heartbroken I met with doctors, bishops, and therapists trying to make sense of it all. I just wanted to feel better and be normal again. Six months later I still found myself spiraling farther and farther down. I was being triggered right and left and almost gave up on so many things in my life.

Almost at the year mark, I’ve learned healing takes time. Healing takes surrendering your heart, desires, basically your whole life over to the lord and then wait. Waiting has been the hardest part. Day to day doesn’t feel much better, but I promise you there is movement sometimes forward and sometimes backward. There is hope but it takes time, effort and a lot of patience. I wake up every morning and tell myself “Today is not the day to give up”.

I am worth waiting to be healed and whole, you are worth waiting to be healed and whole.