I have been blessed with 2 of the cutest and happiest kids ever! I know all moms say that, but just look at them.

They were both pretty young when all of this started. My little boy was 2 months away from being 2 and my daughter was 4.5. I often wonder how they’re coping with it all. It has affected my daughter the most. I remember about a week after we had moved to my parents, she had a horrible temper tantrum. I cannot remember why, but I remember the devastation. It was close to bedtime and she was screaming and I was in tears outside her door. There was nothing I could do to help her. She began pounding on the door and I went in to just hold her. She started hitting me and just kept screaming. I was beside myself, my anxiety shot through the roof and I went into crazy mode. My parents tried to help, but none of us could appease her. I grabbed my phone and called her dad so he could hear the devastation that at the moment I blamed completely on him. I said something mean to him and started sobbing, I then threw my phone to my parents. Somehow we eventually got her calmed down.

My little boy was really young, and just barely starting to talk in sentences. The first month the main thing I noticed was he was constantly trying to comfort me. Anytime I cried he would come sit on my lap. In fact both kids smothered me with hugs and kisses all the time.

They are my rainbows. When I struggle to get up in the morning, they make me. When I struggle to make dinner, they yet again make me. They get me to church, and force me in the sunshine at least once or twice a day. Dancing and singing with my daughter and playing trains with my son have been the highlights of my life over the last year. We’ve had several zoo trips, gone paddle boarding, visited the aquarium, swam a lot, sledding and picked up countless rocks, leaves, and sticks on our many walks.

Over the last several months I’ve watched my children very closely and yes life is different, but ultimately they are happy. They laugh and give kisses. My little girl loves to craft and cook. My son loves trains, airplanes, and building. I’m impressed with how resilient they are.

I’ve thought a lot about King Benjamin and when he told his people to become like a child.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” Mosiah 3:19

I’ve noticed everyone of these traits in my children the two I’ve noticed the most is “full of love” and “willing to submit to all things”.

My children are so full of love for me and their father (even though there are times I wish they’d hate him) . They are blessed with fabulous grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins whom they also love. My son is especially in love with his “bampa” (grandpa). He is the one person other than me that he’s willing to go to when he’s sad. They so effortless share love and so quickly forgive. When I tell them no and they get upset they head straight for my arms. It always baffles me as to why they do this when I’m the reason for their distress. I’ve come to realize it is because they love so freely.  Isn’t this something we should all practice with our Heavenly Father. So often have I yelled and been so angry with at Him for allowing me to go through this relentless trial. Sadly I’ve often resorted to building a wall around my heart and not letting him in to provide the comfort I so desperately need.

I’ve also noticed their willingness to submit to all things. Although you may think I’m crazy and wonder what kind of 2 and 4 year old would ever submit to anything, let me explain. Yes they do not submit to me very well when I tell them to clean their rooms or eat their dinner, but they submit to not giving in to anxieties and challenges. They live in the moment and they lean towards happiness no matter the situation. Think about it, how quickly does a sad toddler go from crying to laughing by their mommy pretending to be a lion and eating their toes, or when the tickle monster shows up and won’t stop until they’re squealing. It only takes a second. Yet again we need to follow their lead, and let go of the things we simply cannot change and find happiness in the moment. Easier said than done, I know.

Throughout this trial I’ve looked to my children countless times. Their smiles and laughter speak happiness to my soul and they encourage me to move forward and endure.

A few months ago, my little girl randomly came up to me and said “Mommy, can I say a prayer”, I quickly said “Of course sweetheart” and we both kneeled down. What she said next broke and strengthened my heart. Her simple prayer was “Dear Heavenly Father, help my mommy to be happy and not cry anymore. Amen.”  She gave me a hug and a kiss and ran off to play with toys. The strength, love and faith of my daughter made me realize I needed to choose happy. My situation is not easy and not what I want, but I can be happy. In fact it’s imperative for me to show my little children how Mommy can be happy during hard times.

Anytime I’m struggling I look at these two bright, shining faces and muster up the courage to endure. I love being their mommy and I love them both so much. I am blessed!