Life is always changing and this last year has brought a LOT of changes. One of the biggest changes has been me. For 6.5 years I had been a wife, for 5 years I had been a mom. I loved both roles so much and as time went on I let them define me. I was so entwined with my family that I rarely took time for me. I was always playing with kids, making dinner, grocery shopping, changing diapers, and rocking babies. When I wasn’t playing mommy, I was playing wife. I loved making my husband happy and often spent a lot of time on Pinterest trying to find ways to strengthen our relationship.

Little did I know a deep dark storm was secretly stewing just below the surface. In one night so much changed and with it so did I. I felt as if the puzzle of me was dropped and as I tried to put it back together the pieces no longer fit in the same way.

In an instant my role as wife was taken from me, and I went from being a mom with a partner to being one without. I also lost some control over what my children did, ate and who they met. 50% of the time they were gone and I was left alone.

Being home alone was heartbreaking and just too quiet. Luckily I had friends who kept me busy. I went from having a few mommy friends to having a few best friends. So many friends came out of the woodwork and offered me so much love  and support.

One friend kept me going when I lost all hope. She dragged me to church and to therapy. She NEVER let me forget I was worth it and I could do hard things. She’s still sending me uplifting quotes and inviting us to dinner.

A friend and I started a business which has been such a blessing to me. It has given me so much hope that one day I will be able to stay home with my kids and still support us. The business took us to LA to meet with wholesalers. This was my first trip without my husband in 8 years. The best part has been the friendship we’ve built that I know we never would have if all this had not happened.

Another friend kept me busy and active. She took me rock climbing, painting, and biking. We spent a weekend in Park City visiting art museums, swimming and playing outdoors. I hadn’t done any of these things for years and it was so nice to let myself go and try new things.

A previous co-worker also jumped into the mix. We had stayed in touch over the year, and got together several times a year. We always had fun together, but she lived over 40 minutes away. The distance didn’t phase her at all and she came up once or twice a month to have a girls night with me. We also started getting our kids together more.

These were not the only friends who rescued me. So many of my neighbors jumped right in to help me take care of my kids, house and lift me up when I was ready to give up.

Piece by piece my puzzle started to come together. It was different and not what I wanted. Many times I rebelled and shoved it aside. Family and friends helped me pull it back out and try again. The puzzle is far from complete and I still can’t see what it will look like. At times I still try to make it fit together like it used to, other times I can see glimpses of what it might be.

My Heavenly Father has been there through it all. Even though I often felt like he wasn’t. I now can see he was silently putting pieces together when I couldn’t. On this journey of figuring out who I am, I’m so blessed to have so many people join me and at times drag me.