^“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” John 14:18

“Who’s going to help me?” I woke with a start, trying to figure out what was going on. I heard tears and quickly realized it was my little girl crying from across the hall. I looked at my phone to see it was only 1 AM. I rolled out of bed trying to not disturb my sleeping 2 year old, who had ran to my room only a hour prior.

Trying to muster up any sweetness I could to not sound cranky I said “Sweetie, whats wrong?” Amid tears and heavy breathing she showed me her ankles and said “Mommy they hurt”. I quickly understood what had woken her up and I sat on her bed to explain growing pains. I tried rubbing her legs, but she said that just made it worse. So in desperation I finally gave in and gave her some Tylenol. It may have been the placebo effect but she quit whining instantly and dried her tears on my pajama shirt. She then told me “Mom you can cuddle with me now”. I smiled and laid with her for a few minutes at least until I heard her breathing become steady. I kissed her cheek and went back to bed.

Meanwhile my son had decided he needed to take up as much of the queen sized bed as he could, so I had to move his little 28 lb body over to make some room for me. Then I just laid there, which has become rather frequent these days I just couldn’t get back to sleep.

My mind began to wander and I couldn’t get her cry for help out of my head “Who’s going to help me?” Oh how I knew how she felt. My heart broke for not only my five year olds’ desperation, but also for all my pleas asking for the same thing “Who’s going to help me?”.

I thought about what I told her, about how it hurts now but it actually is a good thing. It means she is growing and will become stronger and bigger. She complained that it wasn’t worth it, and I chuckled. Being a mother has given me so many insights into how our Heavenly Father must feel about us. I imagined him waking up and coming to me all those times that I had made a similar plea (even when I didn’t feel him near). He too came to comfort me, he listened to my whining about how it’s just not fair, this isn’t the way it is supposed to happen, and I did everything right (didn’t I). I imagined him gently stroking my hair and telling me “Oh Sweetie, I know it hurts now, but just wait. You can’t grow without the pain.” Tears came to my eyes and for the first time in awhile I truly felt his arms around me. As I’m typing this up I have the same feeling as I did last night. Yes this happened just last night. It may be almost a year away from the traumatic night, but my heart still yearns for help. I am still his broken little girl yearning for his love.

It hurts today, but someday I will look back and see how much I’ve grown. In the meantime, I know my Heavenly Father will not leave me comfortless. However I wouldn’t mind some sort of heavenly Tylenol for the pain.