You are ENOUGH You are SO ENOUGH! It’s UNBELIEVABLE how ENOUGH you are!!!

One of the hardest things I struggle with is the feeling I’m not enough. I am not enough as a mother, sister, daughter, friend, Mormon, and most of all a wife. This is something I battle with daily, and especially on the nights I’m alone. Being alone was simply not something I should deal with. I got married and had kids, just like every good little Mormon girl should. What did I do wrong? Nothing I tell myself. Absolutely nothing. I am in no ways claiming I am perfect, but I try oh boy do I try.

As a little girl my mom always went all out for Holidays. I remember she pulled the china out for Valentine’s Day, dyed mashed potatoes green for St. Patrick’s Day, spent hours making just the right costumes for Halloween, and wrapped every single present in our stockings for Christmas. As a wife and mom I try to follow her example. My husband loves holidays as well and I tried to make every one special. I remember our first Valentine’s Day after our wedding, I tediously attempted to make a red velvet cheesecake cake. I do like to bake, yet never had I EVER even done a double layer cake, so I must have been crazy taking on a quadruple layer cake (is quadruple even a word?).

My husband always treated me special as well and that night he made a delicious dinner and brought me flowers. I was happy and this was all I ever wanted. Throughout our entire marriage I just wanted to make him happy and to support him. I even remember at one point offering to refinance our home for him to start a business. So I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, so the only answer was that I was not enough. I was not enough to love, not enough to trust, and most of all not enough to try.

For Christmas this year, my mom helped my little girl fill a stocking for me. Inside was a little box and the box held the most perfect present. A simple necklace with the words YOU ARE ENOUGH. On the back an inscription read Love, Dad and Mom. A simple gift yet, it spoke to me. It told me I was enough. All the months of telling myself the opposite came crashing down and laid broken on the floor. I am enough.

I was about 8 or 9 and had recently received a bike, and a beautiful sparkly bike lock. We lived close to our elementary school and I remember one day my friends and I begged our parents to let us ride our bikes to school. Overjoyed once they agreed, we set off. It was so freeing and grown-up to ride to school, plus it took less than half the time to get there so we had more time to play hands-up stands-up before the bell rang.

Once at school I pulled my beautiful bike lock out and secured my bike. My OCD nature made me check it and then recheck it before running off to play. After school ended, I went out to my bike and found my lock missing. My bike was there and to most kids that would be all that mattered. However I loved my lock and my innocent little heart couldn’t comprehend why anyone would steal it.

I drove home in tears, and even my friends couldn’t understand why. I walked into my house, straight past my mom who was on the phone, and went into my brother’s room. Seconds later my mom walked in and asked what was wrong. With tears pouring my face, I told her the story and despite how silly I’m sure it sounded she just held me. I realized to her I was enough, my feelings mattered. In fact they mattered enough that she immediately ended her phone call and dropped everything for me.

There is enough heartache in the world, we don’t need to pile it on ourselves. Stop relying on others to find your worth, but if you do at least look to those who truly love you and know you. Look to those who stand by you, who trust you, and who want to be with you. Leave the rest of the world to sit in their unhappiness. I am enough, and so are you!